Simplified English 101

I found this somewhere, it's very interesting so just read on! This is what you would expect to hear from the locals who speak English if you are in Brunei, Singapore or Malaysia. Particularly among the Chinese community.

Who say our English is teruk? Don't simple say one, just see below- ours is simple, short, concise, straight to the point.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Standard English: I'm sorry sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment I can call the other outlets for you.
Malay English: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL
S.E.: Hello, yes, did anyone page me?
M.E.: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
S.E.: Excuse me please, I'd like to get by,
M.E.: S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
S.E.: Hey, put your wallet away, the drink is on me.
M.E.: No need lah.

ASKING FOR PERMISSION
S.E.: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
M.E.: (pointing at the door) Can ah?

ENTERTAINING SOMEONE
S.E.: Please make yourself at home.
M.E.: Don't be shy lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
S.E.: I dont recall you giving me the money.
M.E.: Where got?

DECLINING AN OFFER
S.E.: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
M.E.: Don't want lah...

DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
S.E.: Err, I have to stop you there. I understand where you are coming from but I really have to disagree with you.
M.E.: You mind ah?

ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER HIS/HER VOICE
S.E.: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate here.
M.E.: Shut up lah!

ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
S.E.: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do i know you?
M.E.: See what, see what?

ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
S.E.: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
M.E.: Die lah!!

TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
S.E.: Can someone tell me what just happened?
M.E.: Wat happen... why like that?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
S.E.: That's not the way to do it.
M.E.: Haiya, like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
S.E.: Would you mind not disturbing me?
M.E.: Celaka you.