EL3223 Drama Studies presents: In the Shadow of the Kemboja

As mentioned in the brochure:

We, the students of EL3223 Drama Studies course (2008/2009), are proud to present to you our play, In the Shadow of the Kemboja. We have gained invaluable experience throughout the process of writing and staging this play, and we hope you will enjoy it.

The Cast
Mastura (madwoman) played by Amal Majidah
Babu Patmah (mother) played by NurLiyana Fatimah
Mimi (sister) played by Ishamina Athirah
Hisham (brother) played by Mursidi Murah
Mbak Suryanti (amah/maid) by Miza Roslan
Balqis (brother's fiance) played by Diyana Daud
Ah Chu (nosy neighbour) played by Aik Pei Hsuan
Ah Lan (nosy neighbour)played by Sia Ai Li
Mak Itam (bomoh/witchdoctor) played by Amalina Ramli
Paramedics played by Maurice Boon

Here's a sneak peek:
The tragic play is about a family governed by the stern hand of its matriarch, Babu Patmah. Everything seems peaceful until the return of her daughter, Mimi, from abroad. Mimi has become detached from her family, and the only person she feels attached to is her sister Mastura. When she queries Mastura's absence, the relative peace begins to crumble. The family is polarized between Babu Patmah and Mimi, and the secrets of the past threaten to resurface...

Genre: Tragedy. and a bit of comedy too! :)
Written and produced by: EL3223 Drama Studies students of 2008
Directed by: Dr. Grace Chin
Kemboja (frangipanni flowers)- grow around graveyards- symbolises death

We did it!! We finally did it and we nailed it!! After all that hard work! What a performance! After weeks of writing (with some disagreements in between :) ), rehearsing we finally gave a great performance and it turned out really well!! Well done everyone (who are involved in the play- writing, producing, performing, staging and directing). A very special thanks to Dr. Grace Chin (this play would not be possible without her) who had helped us along the way with production, direction, the endless moral support and of course with the breathing exercises :) It really helped us a lot! (except for that last 5 minutes before the play started when we were starting to calm our nerves and Maurice walked in and told us that it was a full house! haha) Congratulations to the cast! I really had fun these past few weeks. We did a great job!!! :)

As 3rd year students doing major/minor in English Language Studies, we are currently doing a course called Drama Studies and we are required to write, produce and perform a play of our own other than merely studying other literary texts. It has been fun doing this on our own giving it a Bruneian context and I'm looking forward to more drama productions in the future! :) Drama is not just for entertainment. With drama, we can expand our imagination and creativity and look at life in different perspectives. Drama allows us to go beyond reality, it is an exaggeration of our mundane life. And finally to sum up, Drama Studies rock!!!

And now with that done, it's time to hit the books. Exams start next week! eeeeeek

And we were mentioned in The Brunei Times, and again, and Borneo Bulletin :)

Simplified English 101

I found this somewhere, it's very interesting so just read on! This is what you would expect to hear from the locals who speak English if you are in Brunei, Singapore or Malaysia. Particularly among the Chinese community.

Who say our English is teruk? Don't simple say one, just see below- ours is simple, short, concise, straight to the point.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Standard English: I'm sorry sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment I can call the other outlets for you.
Malay English: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL
S.E.: Hello, yes, did anyone page me?
M.E.: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
S.E.: Excuse me please, I'd like to get by,
M.E.: S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
S.E.: Hey, put your wallet away, the drink is on me.
M.E.: No need lah.

ASKING FOR PERMISSION
S.E.: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
M.E.: (pointing at the door) Can ah?

ENTERTAINING SOMEONE
S.E.: Please make yourself at home.
M.E.: Don't be shy lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
S.E.: I dont recall you giving me the money.
M.E.: Where got?

DECLINING AN OFFER
S.E.: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
M.E.: Don't want lah...

DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
S.E.: Err, I have to stop you there. I understand where you are coming from but I really have to disagree with you.
M.E.: You mind ah?

ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER HIS/HER VOICE
S.E.: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate here.
M.E.: Shut up lah!

ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
S.E.: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do i know you?
M.E.: See what, see what?

ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
S.E.: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
M.E.: Die lah!!

TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
S.E.: Can someone tell me what just happened?
M.E.: Wat happen... why like that?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
S.E.: That's not the way to do it.
M.E.: Haiya, like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
S.E.: Would you mind not disturbing me?
M.E.: Celaka you.

Fools

Thats it. I've had it. More and more shit, nothing gets better but only worse. Tomorrow is somebody's special day and we can't even be there with him. What the fuck is that? If your notion of a "%&)*@#$!" is a divided one then just say so. Everything we do is never good enough. Why too hard for you to make mistakes eh?

I am made to read at this hour of the night and what I thought was a boring , thick and dull book turned out to be very interesting after all. I am indeed intrigued by the arguments put forward in this book "Intellectuals in Developing Societies" by Syed Hussein Alatas. He brilliantly defines and compares what constitutes the Intellectuals and the Intelligentsia - they are very different if you must know. And the most interesting part that caught my interest is his definitions of fools. He provides clear sociological definitions of the characteristics of a fool which I feel very much obliged to share it with you because these people are everywhere dominating society and eating the lives out of people. So, what constitutes a fool?

1. A fool does not think contextually both in terms of space and time, and in the dynamic interrelationship of factors
2. A fool reacts only to the immediate and cannot see beyond
3. A fool has a mind that thinks in terms of limited causes and not of successive causes and effects
4. A fool is a creature of habit and is not critical of the foundation of his/her own thinking
5. A fool cannot reflect upon a problem or a situation
6. A fool is inconsistent
7. A fool is not analytic in his/her thinking but merely descriptive
8. A fool lacks mental energy and always follows the line of least resistance
9. A fool cannot speak at a high level of abstraction without contradicting reality
10. A fool is not able to learn the art of learning
11. A fool does not admit he/she is a fool

And to add my own definitions:
12. A fool lacks consideration for the people around him/her
13. A fool does not admit defeat
14. A fool takes in blindly the advices of another fool (without the ability to initially work out its logicness)
15. A fool thinks that he/she is the only person in this world who can hurt and feel deep sorrow

And to quote him again, "Once the fools come to power, they perpetuate their own breed. Fools cannot cope in a situation where merit and hardwork are the criteria of success. Where fools dominate it is their values that become society's values, their consciousness which becomes society's consciousness."

There you have it. Sounds familiar? This is very much applicable to Candyland* indeed. Hope you have a fucked-up night. I mean it. Fool.

This heart bleeds

this heart bleeds in the depths of the night
when abandoned and neglected, screaming silently in pain
squeezing the blood out, pouring in endless streams
crimson stains all over this life, tainted with the illusion of hope
death is imminent, latching itself on this bleeding heart
and still this heart remains impervious although not oblivious.

this heart sinks into the depths of pain
when stabbed and stepped on, weeping silently in pain
rip this heart out from this body with your mighty strength
the sweet feeling of pain with every tear of the veins
the beating of this heart slows down as the blood drains
pouring out from the holes that you have created with your indifference
as it empties the heart leaving it hollow and tattered.

life escapes out of this ruined heart
slowly as it stops beating and turns sour
death enters silently with a big grin on its face
as it fills the empty heart with its presence
spilling black paint all over the destroyed walls
this heart finally stops beating as death prevails
and now you can throw it away and live in peace.

Born into a world never asked to be here

Just feeling so down and feeling like shit while listening to Guns N Roses' November Rain. Sad. Yes, rub it all in. That's just what I need now. Blerrrghhh!!!

Salt added to the wounds

It breaks my heart to see you leave. What's worst is that there wasn't a choice for that at all. How many more heartbreaks can one endure? I'm forced to say goodbye reluctantly to a brother so dear to me, to the only metal head I've ever had in my life, the only one I know who understands me, the only one I know who I have so much in common with, the one I grew up with for two decades, my companion in our retreat from all those shit. After you left it made me feel empty, I just looked around your room and remembered all the shit we did there together, all the good times we shared and also the bitter ones we endured together. We grew up with all the laughter and tears, you were always the one who made us all laugh. The comedian of the bunch. You did so much for me and everyone else here that are so dear to you. I remember how you kept feeding me all those metal shit that I needed and how you helped me find myself. I've lost the only metal head I've ever had so dear to me. My source of metal. Just two days before you left you planned for us to get together and have dinner together for this whole month. It just hurts to know that's just not possible now because you're gone. How are things going to be without you? Now we don't have another guitarist to jam with :( It just hurts so much to know that you are now gone. Every time I hear James Hetfield or Metallica it just reminds me so much of you. I just hope that you are happy wherever you are and I hope life won't treat you harshly. Don't worry, I will stay hard for you and not go emo, I promise. I hope that you will be back with us in the near future. Please take care my dear brother, I will always love you no matter what happens. Always. :'(

Shit happens. For whatever reasons we might never know. Sometimes in life, things do not turn out the way you want them to and there's nothing you can do about it. You just can't stop some things from happening, nobody is that potent. Maybe you can just delay the inevitable but there is no way of stopping it. Whether you like it or not, you have to accept it and learn to live with it even though you have to do it the hard way. That's just how life is no matter who you are or what position you hold in society. It is times like these when all you can do is just hope for the best, not for the worst. I just wish that one day you can try to get rid of your fears of being weak that's determining your actions. I hope you can stop believing that pack of hyenas around you who keep feeding you lies and telling you to do things that would just destroy your relationship with some people. I know that you are not a bad person, I just wish that you can find it in your heart to at least show some compassion. Please stop being so afraid to show some weakness. We are all just human beings and I'm sure that you don't have a heart of stone. Just the bunch of vultures surrounding you. There's more pain to endure but I hope that this will all end soon, I just hope that things can get better in the near future and that one day this will all just be a distant memory.

And not forgetting, Selamat berpuasa to all muslims!

Joda esta MIERDA!!!

" And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With odd old ends stolen forth of Holy Writ,
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil."
(Richard III, Act 1 Scene 3)

Brilliant quote there by an evil and twisted son of a bitch in one of Shakespeare's brilliant plays. There are so many things going through my head right now. A collision of violent thoughts, vivid imagery of blood spill, the regurgitation of hypocrisy and betrayal, the urge to inject some sense of patience in me... too much drama to the point where I am now starting to believe all over again that truth does not exist but the lies do. Only lies that can bind self-absorbed individuals who will do anything (even if that means destroying another individual and scarring him/her for life) to achieve what they can perceive as bliss and some sort of security in life. You open your mouth and spit at us with your poisonous words and venomous saliva. We are all imperfect mortals of this fucked-up world but you are too proud to admit as one of us. We are each other's nemesis and you are enjoying this triumph too much to put an end to this discrimination, hatred and anarchy that only benefits you and your fellow acolytes. You may have won the battle but you haven't won the war. Justice will be imminent and I will be waiting for that. Even if I have to wait a thousand years, I will be waiting in my grave. The tables will turn and we'll see who gets the last laugh. Do not fucking remind us of what we already know. Stop twisting tales and manufacturing lies discreetly just so you could parade your "virtue" in the eyes of the majority. Mierda joda, you don't know shit!!!

There are so many words left unspoken, so much more to comprehend. Time will only allow the reasoning of this to be regurgitated. My sanctuary lies in the powerful words of Metal music. My inspiration, my source of comfort, my shoulder to cry on. These powerful words that can reinforce one's disillusioned state of mind. That keeps one afloat. And only those who understand and feel the power of these words can comprehend what I'm talking about. This is what I feel right now. They lie in the words of some of Arch Enemy's masterpieces.

Silent Wars
This is killing us, Fighting the truth a losing battle
We believe in nothing, Just hatred for each other!!
Tragic sinister serenade, Twisted melody shatters reality
Dying hopes for a better day, Fragile dreams that break away
No more, no more! This pain must end!!
We have chosen to suffer.. Believe in nothing but...
Hatred is a vicious circle, Betrayal is at hand
Paralysed souls bleeding, Begging for salvation
Deeper and deeper the wounds we cut
The truth burning our flesh
Silent war to set us free, Stigmata of a tragedy
No more, no more! This pain must end!
We have chosen to suffer, Feeling nothing but hate
It's eating us up from the inside
Taking our feelings away!!

Instinct
The more I see - the less I believe
The more I hear - the less I care
This world we've created, has left me cold
This world is sedated, dying in its sleep
I feel nothing
Seen it written on a thousand faces
The simple truth we fear
Seen it happen in a thousand places
Instinct brought us here
The more I see - the less I believe
The more I hear - the less I care
We used to be the chosen ones
Second to none
Look at what we've become
A pathetic excuse for life
I feel nothing
I can feel nothing, Nothing at all
Except for the pain, That hits me again

Leader Of The Rats
Crawling in the slime
Dirt infested minds
Always second best, leader of the rats
Spreading their disease
Hiding behind trivial cynicism
Venomous tongues spitting forth lies
So quick to criticize the life of others
Who are you to judge us
On a higher plain
Our art lives on forever
You are the scum beneath us
Fighting your pathetic battle
Anonymous animosity, Dirt infested minds
Laughing right into your face
As we watch your infantile behaviour
Love us or hate us - we don't care
We never aimed to please you
Anonymous animosity, Dirt infested minds
Anonymous animosity, Spreading their disease
Always second best
Leader Of The Rats
Spreading their disease

Vultures
Breathing life into these mares where enemies turn into flesh
This is the abyss I fear the most – I feel their eyes staring at me
Waiting with carnivorous patience, their memory timeless
For all they know I must succumb sometime…
A solemn cry rises to the sky as heavy wings blacken out
The morning sun with infinite darkness. Am I dreaming or am I dead?
In search for my heart – Lost in this hell
The vultures are soaring above – Tearing me apart
Screaming Voices in my head. A sudden pain then deadly silence
Devouring the remains of my heart – I can feel it dying
Picking at the bones of my soul
Left me dead inside
The more I gave the more they took
Left me dead inside

Majlis Khatam Al-Quran and 21

On the 4th of August I officially turned 21 years old. Tua tua tua. My siblings gave me a little birthday surprise at midnight with a very scrumptious chocolate cake :) Didn't really enjoy the day since it was the first day of the new semester coupled with only two hours of sleep. Back to uni, back to studying. Boo. I had another celebration at night with the other siblings and I'm not exactly happy at the fact that my party was like a kids' party (yes, with lots and lots of kids) and that I didn't even get to eat at my own party :( Plus, they started having ice-cream without me and my cake was too colourful. Boo. But at least Wira showed up and that made my day :) This is the first time in my life having to make a birthday wish three times in a year. I blew out the candles three times on three different cakes with different people and yes, I make a birthday wish every year. I usually make the same birthday wish every year but this time it's different :) and I really really really really hope that it will come true! Oh and Miza bought me and my other friends a very very scrumptious chocolate cake to celebrate our belated birthdays. Yay!

We had a Majlis Khatam Al-Quran for 18 people on the 7th of August on a Thursday night. Our one month of practice (mengaji) was a fun ride and I guess it paid off. I actually had fun reading all the Surah-surah (verses of the Quran) and Alhamdullillah everything went well. There were a few mistakes here and there but the ceremony turned out fine. I was very nervous, when I was on stage I just looked down at my book the whole time to avoid myself from laughing and being embarrassed. It was an overwhelming and nerve-wrecking experience but nonetheless it was also fun and such an amazing experience that I will never forget. What I felt that night no words can explain and it made me wish that I could be a better person. Oh well. Tahniah kepada kami keatas kejayaan ini! :)

Metalcamp

Aku mau pergi ke Metalcamp di Tolmin, Slovenia!! :( These metal festivals are like heaven or hell on earth for metal heads where we belong. I am definitely gonna go there one day with my one and only metal head brother and we'll go crazy like we're supposed to. We'll go to Wacken, Graspop, everywhere!! Muahahahaha. I am so sad. Seriously. But that time will come :)

The new semester is starting in less than a week! Fuck. Baie kali, I have yet to change my already fucked-up sleeping time which is as they say it here, tunggang-tebalik. I have turned nocturnal ever since the holiday started a few months ago which is very bad but nonetheless inevitable. I will miss the feeling of having so much free time and yet having nothing to do. And I have yet to cherish these last few days left. Fuck.

Closure

Among the many thoughts that swim around in my head- we constantly make mistakes to learn from them. I had a deep conversation with my sister recently on relationships and all that shit and it made me realise that you have to get your heart broken at least once or a few times in your life time because this is what's going to make you stronger and expand your views on the opposite sex. The heartbreak experience is both shitty and wonderful at the same time because without this, people will stay naive and have an immature view on relationships till only God knows when. I've dealt with jerks, assholes, perverts, suicidals, megalomaniacs, sociopaths and childish men. Those that are insane in the membrane. It's infuriating and frustrating but it gave me an insight into what these kind of people are capable of and all I can do now is try to make sure that I don't make the same mistakes all over again. Never regret any relationship no matter how shitty they are because they happen for a reason and that is for you to learn. They can break you down or make you stronger, you decide for yourself which path you wish to take. And never let one failed relationship ruin your entire life, never let it get in the way of your family, friends, job, studies and whatever the hell you are doing. I am so relieved I am now way past all of that. I can finally put it all behind me and look forward to new things to come :)

Apart from that, my lovely has gone to España... ¡Qué suerte! ¡Te extraño mucho mucho mucho! Pero no te preocupes mi amado, we are going to do some shit together in España one day!! :D Pienso en tí todo el día y estás siempre en mis pensamientos. Siempre. Rad te imam & bi radi plesali z mano? hehe :) Anyway, I watched The Dark Knight last week and I'm not much of a Batman fan but the movie was awesome! The late Heath Ledger played the Joker really well but too bad he is no longer here with us. Rest In Peace. Those of you who have not had the chance to watch it yet, go watch it!!

And here are my last words to You (who gave me one hell of a fucked-up joyride these past few years and no, the joyride was very bad and damaging to me) before I say my final goodbye:
Let me help you tie the rope around your neck
Let me help to talk you the wrong way off the ledge
Let me help you hold the glock up to your head
Let me help to chain the weights onto your legs
Get on the plank fuck!!!!!!! :D

Through adversity there is redemption

Just when you thought things are going to get better. Just when you thought you can finally look forward to good things to come. Just when you start believing that there is after all a light at the end of that dark tunnel. Then everything comes crashing down. Why is it so hard for us to obtain happiness in life? It doesn't seem that hard for other people around us but why does it have to be so fucking hard for us? Why is it so hard for some people to accept the fact that nothing and nobody is perfect? This hole is filled with uptight and arrogant bastards.

Authority is always the essence of the problem. Those who fear authority are the ones you know who will never have your back no matter what. Fuck the system! Nothing is ever going to improve without change. Change is the main catalyst of progress and development. Rules are sometimes meant to be broken to allow progress. "Today's terrorists are tomorrow's leaders" and I stand by that. Don't analyse it literally, I do not support terrorists but the term "terrorists" in this phrase refers to those who are not afraid of change.

Often I think about our situation and start getting very angry. Why can't things be easier? Why does it always have to be so damn hard? I have lost count of the number of times people have left me because of this. Will I never be able to obtain perpetual bliss? Only false hopes that linger in my solitude. Despite all these fucked up shit however I still believe that through adversity there will eventually be redemption. And I hope that YOU will be my salvation. Please don't take away that one spark of hope left in me. We can fight this and we can make it through if we only keep believing.
:'(

¡Finalmente!

Finally the time I have been dreading for months has come. ¡No más dolor, no más control! :D big smile. I'm done with assholes.

I met a perfect stranger not so long ago,
Seems like heaven but I still wouldn't know,
What I have longed for, only time will tell,
For in my thoughts you roam, I wish you are well.

Cel dan mislim na tebe :)

Philippino kareoke anyone?

It's Mamali's birthday- "Happy Birthday Ka Mal" and another party. We have parties every month, usually more than one, it's part of being in a dysfunctional community. The food was great and cupcakes!! Yummy! Apart from that there was a Pinoy kareoke session (Iwie's idea, you know you love it). One particular song- "I love Philippines" made us all laugh our ass off, I laughed so hard until my tummy hurts. Shit, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time and it felt great. Mabuhai ng Pilipinas! Hahahahahaha

Malam ini... sunyi sepi...

Different languages are unique in their own ways. They are usually distinct from other languages although some languages share some commonality with some others. I have begun using more of Brunei Malay now than before but my English is still more fluent than my Malay because of the way I was raised. We spoke more English when we were growing up and less of Malay and it's not our fault. I don't have a single trace of Malay blood in me anyway so sue me. I am trying to be more fluent in Malay because it's better to be bilingual or multilingual. What I don't get is how some Malays in Brunei are trying so hard to forget their own native language and they are trying so hard to speak solely in English. Trying to speak English is not a bad thing, it's good that they are trying to improve their English but then again, they shouldn't totally abandon their native language and after some time pretend not to understand it. Anyway, I find that some Brunei Malay phrases are funny or even catchy in their own ways, especially when pronounced with a thick Bruneian Malay accent putting too much emphasis on the sounds. Don't get me wrong, I like the Malay language. I just think that sometimes it sounds funny when people are speaking sarcastically or emotionally. Here are some funny Malay phrases and sentences that I've heard or have remembered listening to (it's not supposed to be insulting or offensive ok? This is just for fun so forgive me if you feel offended):

1. Adang tah bemain ani, esuk-esuknya lagi.
(An elderly telling us to stop playing football in the house at night because we were making too much noise)

2. Nini ani yang banarnya masa time muda, HENSEM!
(A "prasan" grandfather reminiscing his younger days. Nostalgic much?)

3. Kan bali bunga lai?
Reply: Apa kan ni? Adakah patut malam-malam kan bebisnis!
(From a Brunei show called Catatan Misteri. Can't believe we used to watch that show just to laugh)

4. Eh ko tau, si atu bah anak si atu...
(One of the many ways to start a gossip or conversation)

5. Mun gagas agatah trabang!
(Translation: If you're really in a hurry, why don't you just go fly then?)- I still don't get it, it doesn't make any sense

6. Baie kali, sial mati babun.
(Swearing in Brunei Malay, among the many)

7. Awu, dapat kali ah, buliiiihh??
(A phrase that was once in trend)

8. Mun paham bisai.
(Translation: If you understand, it'd be better for us all)

9. Walaupun urang atu lawa tapi kalau nada akal, KINSIL!
(Advice on finding the right "jodoh")

10. Membari watir jua ko anih.
(Translation: You're being so paranoid)

11. Membari ijap iiiiihhh!!
(Translation: (hmm...how do I translate this in English....) That's so scary!!)

12. Sayang abang lai...
(Mihir eh!! Gali ku mendangar! A guy sweet-talking his girlfriend/wife/lover/scandal/fling. YUCK!)

Bah. Terima kasih untuk membaca post ani. Agatah tidur.

Afterwards

I have always engaged myself into deep thought (I'm sure I'm not the only one in this world) which is probably one of the many causes of my insomnia. Thought about everything- the past, the future but not the present which is ridiculous. We tend to worry about or look forward to the future or reminisce about the past instead of cherishing the present. And before you know it, the present becomes the past, the future becomes the present. When things go wrong we wish we could turn back time and make amends and when things went well we wish we could relive those moments. We are only left with hopes and regrets as we get older. And the hope that we are not forgotten when we're gone.

Afterwards by Thomas Hardy

When the Present has latched its postern behind my tremulous stay,
And the May month flaps its glad green leaves like wings,
Delicate-filmed as new-spun silk, will the neighbours say,
"He was a man who used to notice such things"?

If it be in the dusk when, like an eyelid's soundless blink,
The dewfall-hawk comes crossing the shades to alight
Upon the wind-warped upland thorn, a gazer may think,
"To him this must have been a familiar sight."

If I pass during some nocturnal blackness, mothy and warm,
When the hedgehog travels furtively over the lawn,
One may say, "He strove that such innocent creatures should
come to no harm,
But he could do little for them; and now he is gone."

If, when hearing that I have been stilled at last, they stand at
the door,
Watching the full-starred heavens that winter sees,
Will this thought rise on those who will meet my face no more,
"He was one who had an eye for such mysteries"?

And will any say when my bell of quittance is heard in the gloom,
And a crossing breeze cuts a pause in its outrollings,
Till they rise again, as they were a new bell's boom,
"He hears it not now, but used to notice such things?"

VIVA ESPAŇA!!

THE CHAMPION OF EUROPE 2008: ESPAŇA!!!

Germany had a good shot but in the end, the best team wins. Spain won to Germany 1-0 with a goal by Torres that sent Spain to glory. Read on how Torres expresses his gratitude to Liverpool FC here.
ESPAŇA ESPAŇA ESPAŇA!!

A true Spanish hero: FERNANDO TORRES a.k.a. El Niño



I took out some pictures and compiled them to make a short video instead as a tribute to the Spanish National Football team. Also because I was bored :) Enjoy!


Watch this!! Spanish Conga "Que Viva España" adding salt to the German's wound.

I Will Live Again

I WILL LIVE AGAIN, YOU'LL SEE.
TOMORROW'S NOT SCARING ME.
FAR AWAY FROM YESTERDAY.
JUST TAKE THIS PAIN AWAY

Just Stop by Disturbed

Just stop enough of the limitless critical comments on my life
Just drop the judgment and all of your pseudo-involvement in my life
Step back a moment, and look at the miracle starting in our life
Don't stop the moment, and let the incredible happen knowing that

All that you want is to criticize something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
To be the best in the world

Just stop with all of your little deliberate problems with my life
Enough of all the crippling, terrible pain we feel inside
Step back a moment, remember how the miracle started in our life
Take back the torment; I won't be enjoying this moment knowing that

All that you want is to criticize something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
I know that all that we want is to feel inside some kind of comfort
And all that we've done we can hide
We'll be the best in the world
All I ever wanted was to be a real source of compassion
From the moment that we found ourselves drowning in

To The Rats by Trivium

You hide behind barricades.
Built of facades, you think you're safe
But someday we all will find you.
Come to where you work and fucking tie you

Every lie.. Shoved back..down your throat..By our hands

A skull fuck, For every word, Just try to breathe, Don't fuck with this

Break every bone in your face!!
If you mess with my life, I'll mess with your blood!
Bury you in a coffin made of your,
A coffin made of your deceptions

Obsess as each second fades
In denial of your mind made
Still your jealous precedes you
You're really in love with all that I do

This is to the rats. This is to the rats

And your conscience still tears at you
You secretly want to be just like me!

Arch Enemy!!

We are the UNITED ENEMIES!

Silent Wars


Bridge of Destiny solo


Chris Amott solo and Michael Amott solo (Intermezzo Liberté)


Revolution Begins

Spain or Germany for Euro 2008!!

I like both teams, I don't mind if either Spain or Germany wins. But I think my first choice would be Spain. This is the time for Spain to shine. We watched the match between Spain and Italy yesterday and it was so intense!! Both teams were strong, Italy has a solid defense line but most of us really wanted Spain to win. In the end, the best team wins. The match was reduced to penalty shootouts because the score was still 0-0 after 30 minutes of extra time. I hate watching penalty shootouts. Its exciting but at the same time very scary. Despite making a huge mistake for substituting Fernando Torres in the second half, Spain still won the penalty shootout 5-3, it was scary because Torres could not take a penalty shoot. I haven't watched any football matches in a long time because I usually don't have time to. Now I realise how I miss watching football. It started when I was doing my A' Levels. I always had to hit the books and had no time to catch up on watching football or watching TV at all for that matter. I remember when I was football crazy eight years ago and I watched every Liverpool FC match religiously, bought weekly copies of Match magazine, sometimes FourFourTwo and Shoot magazines if I had extra cash because they were kinda expensive. I used to write reviews and commentaries of football matches and players and dreamed of becoming a football journalist someday. Haha oh well, so much for that. Those were the days when Steven Gerrard was still a rookie in Liverpool and after watching him play his first few matches, I knew instantly that someday he is going to be a star and a key player for both Liverpool and England. I was right :) I used to be crazy about Gerrard, well I'm not crazy about him anymore like before but I still like him as a Liverpool skipper. And I agree with Rafael Benitez, Stevie G and Fernando Torres make a great pair! It's funny how Liverpool FC is somewhat like a Spanish club now, having a Spaniard as manager, I never thought Liverpool would have more Spanish players. But it's all good :) Fernando Torres is another key player for both Liverpool and Spain. He wears the number 9 shirt, previously worn by the Liverpool legend Robbie Fowler, and Torres is definitely another Liverpool legend in the making. Here are some pictures of the very gorgeous Fernando Torres (he is such a pretty boy). Sigh *dreams away*....

Torres!!!!


The perfect pair: Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres

You are the air I breathe... WHEN I CHOKE

I have been clearing out my things (for a certain purpose) and I found that I have a lot of junk that should be disposed and a LOT of clothes that I don't even wear. I just realised that we have loads of old clothes (some are very expensive but have never even been worn or maybe just a few times). And I found that I still kept my old things like figurines, commemorative items, stacks of posters, story books I used to collect and some that would embarrass me like my Disneyland autograph books filled with autographs of Disney characters such Mickey Mouse and friends that we took in Disneyland Paris and also by some 90's boybands such as Boyzone, Code Red (to my siblings: I'm sure you guys still remember the day we met them and how starstruck we were) and Malaysian celebrities that the world will never know. We were so lame! I also found what we called in those days "autograph" or "biodata" books where we get some friends to write down a whole page on themselves including favourite food, favourite brand, favourite groups, etc. LAME!

Apart from that, I found a book given to me by Kenny Jones (ex-Lit teacher) which was an autobiography of the great Freddie Mercury, vocalist of Queen. Get this, Freddie Mercury was of Persian descent and lived in India as a kid but soon after left India and established himself in England. There was a time when I was really into Queen. I read the book more than once and it gave me an insight into the life of Freddie Mercury who was misunderstood just because of his homosexuality. Bisexual to be exact because he also had sexual relations with a particular woman. I think it's downright stupid when people judge someone based on their sexuality. With musicians for example, people should not judge musicians based on their sexuality but based on their talent and achievements. Freddie Mercury is a hero to me. He is one of the greatest vocalists of all time and is extremely talented- he can nail those low and extremely high pitches and he can play the piano and guitar. His sexuality of course became the main topic in those days in the 80's and some people were appalled at him just because he is gay. It's stupid. Unfortunately he died in 1991 from AIDS. Nevertheless, he still remains a hero in many people's hearts. Rest in peace Freddie Mercury, you are deeply missed.


Freddie Mercury (1946-1991)

Another rock icon who is a homosexual is Rob Halford, vocalist of Judas Priest. Despite being gay, he has a vocal range of 3.75 octave which is amazing, he is definitely one of the best vocalists of all time alongside Freddie Mercury, Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden), Ronnie James Dio, Klaus Meine (Scorpions) and Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin), just to name a few. Rob Halford, it was noted, was the first and perhaps the only singer of a major heavy metal band to have outed his homosexuality. It took a lot of balls for Rob Halford to come out of the closet and he has my utmost respect for that. I know some people who were fans at first and turned the other cheek when they found out that the noted musician was gay. That is utterly stupid and I will emphasize again that musicians should not be judged based on their sexuality but on their talent. Therefore, I don't give a shit if Rob Halford and Freddie Mercury are gay. They are extremely talented and I totally respect them. The fact that they are gay does not make them bad vocalists or bad frontmen. Their homosexuality does not affect their greatness in singing. I am not for homosexuality but I am not homophobic either. I know many people who are appalled at homosexuality (some of those based on personal experience) but I think people should be open-minded and allow diversity (yes, even diversity in sexuality) which is inevitable in the 21st century. They need to alter their perceptions and narrow-minded approach to homosexuality. Those who are against homosexuality should just stay away from homosexuals rather than excessively criticizing them. I just felt the need to address this issue and touch on the topic of sexuality. I cannot tell you why but I just felt the need to.

Rob Halford of Judas Priest

Posing as queers is another thing. The whole emo scene again. It's disgusting. But I won't go into that again for now. I think you get the picture and I think I've explained enough in my previous posts. Oh and exam results for last semester is out. I am quite satisfied with my overall grade: B+. "Quite", not "very." I don't get it, why can't they give me an A for my overall grade? I got 4 As and 2 Bs, just like in my first semester but still, they gave me a B+ for my overall grade. For my whole 4 semesters, my overall grades have been B+ all the way, why can't I at least get an A for an overall grade? Was it because I didn't work hard enough? I don't think so, I remember clearly how I worked my ass off all the time. I am bitching about this because I am aiming for a first class degree (who isn't?) which is impossible :( I am not satisfied with getting Bs for Literature and Communication because I thought the exam was easy and I actually enjoyed the course. But I am very happy for finally getting A for Spanish! Hah I am now ready to proceed to Advanced Spanish :D ¡Qué vivo el español! ¡Me encantalo! Me encanta la playa, me encanta el sol hermoso y me encanta el calor. Hehe random. With that being said, it's time for me to go and learn one of the things I have always wanted to master. That shall remain a mystery to you my dear friends. Good night.

More Chris Amott! :D

I apologize if I keep annoying you (readers and anyone who is bothered to visit this blog) by constantly posting pictures of this gorgeous gorgeous man hehe. I can't help swooning over these pictures, it's breaking my heart hahahahahaha. I am only left to dream... *sigh* I ripped these off Chris Amott's myspace and Angela Gossow's blog (please don't sue me).

He looks sooooo hot with his long hair but too bad he cut it :(

Chris Amott with Ronnie James Dio!!

Hot!!!!!

You can do me anytime baby ;)


This is just too cute!!

And these are my two heroines (Metal Goddesses):

Angela Gossow (Arch Enemy) and Cristina Scabbia (Lacuna Coil)

The weekend... and some music talk

Most of the nights I spent playing Guitar Hero and now my fingers hurt like hell. The other day my sis threw a birthday party for her boyfriend, the cakes and the food were yummy!! We had a Guitar Hero tournament, Azi won the finals. He is officially the Guitar Hero of B.A. Kambang. I only made it to the quarter finals which sucked. I need more practice. Anyway, I can't wait to listen to Disturbed's new album Indestructible which I think is already out. I'm waiting for my bro to finish downloading it heheh and Metallica is releasing their new album soon and I hope it's gonna be good because St. Anger was a disappointment. I heard that there are gonna be solos in their new songs again, which is great. In their documentary of making the St. Anger album, the GREAT Kirk Hammett (Metallica guitarist) voiced out that he thinks the whole concept of excluding solos in modern rock music is bullshit. I think most of us would agree with him. The album wasn't as good as their old albums. For me, their greatest album is the Black album and I hope that they would preserve their original sound. I guess the St. Anger album was a project to try something different. Trivium tried to sound like Metallica in their latest album The Crusade. It's not their sound but I guess they wanted to try something different. And also because Matt Heafy (vocalist and guitarist of Trivium) is a huge Metallica fan. Oh and speaking of Trivium, I found this video of a South Park version of Trivium's song To The Rats. They look so cute!

System Of A Down's latest albums Mesmerize and Hypnotize were a disappointment as well. They just sound different now, maybe a bit softer, their Toxicity album is the best. There's this whole deal of bands sounding different in their newer albums because they want to try something new. I respect that but sometimes this is not what the fans would expect and want to hear. Some System fans even argue that System has sold out. They're working on their own projects now, Serj Tankian (vocalist) has gone solo, Daron Malakian (guitarist and vocalist) teamed up with John Dolmayan (drummer) and formed a band called Scars on Broadway, and I don't know what's going on with Shavo Odajian (bassist). But the good news is that the band did not split. They'll get back together someday.

There seems to be an increasingly female involvement in metal music which I think is great. Bands with female vocalists like Arch Enemy, Lacuna Coil, Leaves' Eyes, Kittie, Within Temptation, just to name a few and bands with female bassists such as Bleeding Through, Kittie and Coal Chamber. Fans like to compare Cristina Scabbia (Lacuna Coil vocalist) to Amy Lee (Evanscence vocalist). Personally, I think Cristina Scabbia is much better than Amy Lee. She has better vocals, she can sing live well and she's hotter heheh. To be honest, Evansence sucks now. Their new songs are terrible, only their first album was good. Angela Gossow (Arch Enemy vocalist) is amazing, she can do guttural vocals like guys. I can't do that for shit hahah. Here's a short clip on Angela Gossow from the Metal- A Headbanger's Journey documentary, if you're interested or curious.

Part Two- Candyland: your typical soap opera/drama

Again, Candyland* is a pseudonym for a shitty place.

“People create lies to tell the truth.” To my understanding, and based on my observance, this statement is quite true in that those who create lies actually reveal the truth about themselves. Not the complete truth of course, but there may be a certain degree of truth. For example, someone who creates a lie about others to ruin their lives is revealed to be a betrayer. But not everyone can see this, only people who are not blind and are smart enough to think. So acts of betrayal, hypocrisy, lying, blackmailing and all that bad shit lead to self-disclosure. Disclosure is a bitch but it needs to exist in life. So there is always a way to shed a positive light on bad shit.

As I’ve realized, and so may many others who populate the Underclass category of Candyland*, Candyland* is like a soap opera filled with drama. There is always drama in Candyland* among all classes but what makes this soap opera more interesting is the drama that goes on among the Underclass. There are of course, the script-writers, producer, director, the actors and the audience. I think I can classify these set roles by the different classes that exist in Candyland*. The actors are the Underclass and some from the Working Class. The script-writers, producer and director are those from the Middle Class, Working and Upper Class. And I can say with confidence that the audience would consist those from the Upper and Middle Class.

Some basic facts can be commented on the script-writers. The role of script-writing is dominated by the Middle Class, although some from the Upper and Working Class may contribute some ideas for the episodes. This whole idea of script-writing and initial idea of creating a soap opera/drama came about when the script-writers from the Middle Class realized that they were bored with their lives and they needed to watch something dramatic that is real instead of your average soap opera on TV while lying on the couch eating junk and living their comfortable lives. They needed to watch real people fuck up and suffer rather than watching a drama show on TV that isn’t real. So, they got together, put forward their ideas of creating drama and manufacturing problems in Candyland* so that they can be entertained. This is a form of entertainment for the Upper and Middle Class who can just lie on their beds while at the same time, get money and luxurious things without having to earn them by themselves or move a single muscle. This of course benefits the Middle Class, they satisfy themselves and also the Upper Class with the easy effort of ass-kissing. It’s good business, why bother abandoning it? So they got on to working on their scripts for this new soap opera immediately and when the drama was initiated, BOOM! Ratings rose up immediately.

It’s good business, the script-writers were paid by the Upper Class for a job well done. It’s good money, extensive benefits, why bother quitting? The audience is always satisfied with each dramatic episode, everyone’s happy. As for the actors, they aren’t getting paid at all. Well, they may be given some things as gifts by the Upper Class from time to time which I think is a delayed form of payment. To conclude, I think this soap opera that the residents of Candyland* live in deserves an award. Twenty years of drama, twenty seasons of the show deserve to be filmed on camera and broadcasted on television as a real reality show, not those shitty fake ones. A lot of shit has happened in Candyland* for twenty years, and I mean A LOT. It may be interesting for others to have a look at one of the many dysfunctional societies in the world, Candyland* would definitely be on the list, no doubt about that.

What goes on in Candyland* you can find in many soap operas and drama shows on TV. There are acts of betrayal, backstabbing, crime, hypocrisy, malice, sadism, injustice, favouritism, heart-breaking, scandal, negligence, framing, bitching, the list goes on. The actors/Underclass are stars in Candyland* and every step they take is worth reporting. The press are in love with what they do, what they think, what they feel.

Here is an interesting fact I just found out. Candyland* is governed by Muslim law, this was confirmed recently by one of the Ministers in Candyland, according to my sources. However, I find this ironic because to my knowledge and based on my observance, most of the residents do not live by the Muslim law and abide its rules, which is funny. They may want to show people how pious they are but their lifestyle shows otherwise. This presents another example of self-disclosure contributed by their acts of hypocrisy. Very prominent in Candyland*. Oh well, this is all I can think of for now. Until then. have a nice day!

Back on track

I have finally started jogging again and playing futsal and I feel great! :) Although my body and my legs hurt like hell but it's all good :) Oh and according to Azi, we are "unbang-able" people hahahaha

It's 4 a.m.

Last night I had the pleasure of hogging the Guitar Hero for a few hours when my siblings were playing futsal heheh. I think I have gotten a bit better. I think. But I still suck at it. Here’s a funny photo of one of my bros playing Guitar Hero (he got better at it and look at him showing off! Hahaha kambang).

Anyway, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. It just occurred to me that I should be glad and thankful for what had happened to me. And I actually listed down the many reasons why I should be glad. Someone up there must’ve loved me so much to have saved me from one of the many shitty situations I’m facing. No longer do I have to be hurt, insulted and constantly offended by the person I love. No longer do I have to put up with an utterly unbelievable childish behavior that I can’t even stand. No longer do I have to deal with someone who acts like an asshole all the time, even in public. No longer do I carry the shame and embarrassment of being attached to an asshole. No longer do I have to worry about what the next word the person I love will utter to my siblings and friends that will offend and embarrass both them and I. No longer do I have to worry and think about how I am going to spend the rest of my life with a nine-year old kid stuck in a twenty-year old body. No longer do I have to deal with how the person I love constantly call me names such as “bitch, stupid, crazy” just to name a few. No longer do my siblings and friends have to make an effort in trying to like the person I love just for me. No longer do they have to hide what they think and how they feel about that person in order not to hurt me.

I have been spending a lot of time with my siblings lately and thank god for the three month break because I feel like I haven’t been spending a lot of time with them because I’m usually busy with my own things to do. I’m very grateful that I have them in my life and I love them to bits because I know that no matter what, I will always have them and they will always be there for me. We go through the same shit together and we will always have each other no matter what. Can you say the same about yourself? I know for a fact that we cannot change anybody unless they make an effort to change themselves. I’ve been changing for the better but you’ll never see my now. :) I suggest you do the same because I swear that if you keep up with your attitude, you will just push people away and when that happens, all you can do is put yourself in misery and have suicidal thoughts. All you can do is slit your wrist and cry out pathetically “nobody loves me… nobody cares about me… I don’t deserve to live… I want to die because nobody cares.” Hahaha thinking back on those times, they were actually quite funny. Funny because it’s pathetic. And what is up with emo kids these days? The emo scene is spreading like an airborne disease. Really, it’s very annoying. It’s a stupid phase and it’s a stupid trend. Just because you listen to those shitty emo music, you think you’re so cool? You think you rock? You think you’re so hardcore? “Oh I listen to bands like Funeral for a Friend, Finch, The Used and other emo shit so that makes me cool!” Grow up emo kids! Oh and you emo shitheads look pathetic and idiotic with your gay hairstyle. Gay gay gay. Seriously, just grow up already!