Metalcamp

Aku mau pergi ke Metalcamp di Tolmin, Slovenia!! :( These metal festivals are like heaven or hell on earth for metal heads where we belong. I am definitely gonna go there one day with my one and only metal head brother and we'll go crazy like we're supposed to. We'll go to Wacken, Graspop, everywhere!! Muahahahaha. I am so sad. Seriously. But that time will come :)

The new semester is starting in less than a week! Fuck. Baie kali, I have yet to change my already fucked-up sleeping time which is as they say it here, tunggang-tebalik. I have turned nocturnal ever since the holiday started a few months ago which is very bad but nonetheless inevitable. I will miss the feeling of having so much free time and yet having nothing to do. And I have yet to cherish these last few days left. Fuck.

Closure

Among the many thoughts that swim around in my head- we constantly make mistakes to learn from them. I had a deep conversation with my sister recently on relationships and all that shit and it made me realise that you have to get your heart broken at least once or a few times in your life time because this is what's going to make you stronger and expand your views on the opposite sex. The heartbreak experience is both shitty and wonderful at the same time because without this, people will stay naive and have an immature view on relationships till only God knows when. I've dealt with jerks, assholes, perverts, suicidals, megalomaniacs, sociopaths and childish men. Those that are insane in the membrane. It's infuriating and frustrating but it gave me an insight into what these kind of people are capable of and all I can do now is try to make sure that I don't make the same mistakes all over again. Never regret any relationship no matter how shitty they are because they happen for a reason and that is for you to learn. They can break you down or make you stronger, you decide for yourself which path you wish to take. And never let one failed relationship ruin your entire life, never let it get in the way of your family, friends, job, studies and whatever the hell you are doing. I am so relieved I am now way past all of that. I can finally put it all behind me and look forward to new things to come :)

Apart from that, my lovely has gone to España... ¡Qué suerte! ¡Te extraño mucho mucho mucho! Pero no te preocupes mi amado, we are going to do some shit together in España one day!! :D Pienso en tí todo el día y estás siempre en mis pensamientos. Siempre. Rad te imam & bi radi plesali z mano? hehe :) Anyway, I watched The Dark Knight last week and I'm not much of a Batman fan but the movie was awesome! The late Heath Ledger played the Joker really well but too bad he is no longer here with us. Rest In Peace. Those of you who have not had the chance to watch it yet, go watch it!!

And here are my last words to You (who gave me one hell of a fucked-up joyride these past few years and no, the joyride was very bad and damaging to me) before I say my final goodbye:
Let me help you tie the rope around your neck
Let me help to talk you the wrong way off the ledge
Let me help you hold the glock up to your head
Let me help to chain the weights onto your legs
Get on the plank fuck!!!!!!! :D

Through adversity there is redemption

Just when you thought things are going to get better. Just when you thought you can finally look forward to good things to come. Just when you start believing that there is after all a light at the end of that dark tunnel. Then everything comes crashing down. Why is it so hard for us to obtain happiness in life? It doesn't seem that hard for other people around us but why does it have to be so fucking hard for us? Why is it so hard for some people to accept the fact that nothing and nobody is perfect? This hole is filled with uptight and arrogant bastards.

Authority is always the essence of the problem. Those who fear authority are the ones you know who will never have your back no matter what. Fuck the system! Nothing is ever going to improve without change. Change is the main catalyst of progress and development. Rules are sometimes meant to be broken to allow progress. "Today's terrorists are tomorrow's leaders" and I stand by that. Don't analyse it literally, I do not support terrorists but the term "terrorists" in this phrase refers to those who are not afraid of change.

Often I think about our situation and start getting very angry. Why can't things be easier? Why does it always have to be so damn hard? I have lost count of the number of times people have left me because of this. Will I never be able to obtain perpetual bliss? Only false hopes that linger in my solitude. Despite all these fucked up shit however I still believe that through adversity there will eventually be redemption. And I hope that YOU will be my salvation. Please don't take away that one spark of hope left in me. We can fight this and we can make it through if we only keep believing.
:'(

¡Finalmente!

Finally the time I have been dreading for months has come. ¡No más dolor, no más control! :D big smile. I'm done with assholes.

I met a perfect stranger not so long ago,
Seems like heaven but I still wouldn't know,
What I have longed for, only time will tell,
For in my thoughts you roam, I wish you are well.

Cel dan mislim na tebe :)

Philippino kareoke anyone?

It's Mamali's birthday- "Happy Birthday Ka Mal" and another party. We have parties every month, usually more than one, it's part of being in a dysfunctional community. The food was great and cupcakes!! Yummy! Apart from that there was a Pinoy kareoke session (Iwie's idea, you know you love it). One particular song- "I love Philippines" made us all laugh our ass off, I laughed so hard until my tummy hurts. Shit, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time and it felt great. Mabuhai ng Pilipinas! Hahahahahaha

Malam ini... sunyi sepi...

Different languages are unique in their own ways. They are usually distinct from other languages although some languages share some commonality with some others. I have begun using more of Brunei Malay now than before but my English is still more fluent than my Malay because of the way I was raised. We spoke more English when we were growing up and less of Malay and it's not our fault. I don't have a single trace of Malay blood in me anyway so sue me. I am trying to be more fluent in Malay because it's better to be bilingual or multilingual. What I don't get is how some Malays in Brunei are trying so hard to forget their own native language and they are trying so hard to speak solely in English. Trying to speak English is not a bad thing, it's good that they are trying to improve their English but then again, they shouldn't totally abandon their native language and after some time pretend not to understand it. Anyway, I find that some Brunei Malay phrases are funny or even catchy in their own ways, especially when pronounced with a thick Bruneian Malay accent putting too much emphasis on the sounds. Don't get me wrong, I like the Malay language. I just think that sometimes it sounds funny when people are speaking sarcastically or emotionally. Here are some funny Malay phrases and sentences that I've heard or have remembered listening to (it's not supposed to be insulting or offensive ok? This is just for fun so forgive me if you feel offended):

1. Adang tah bemain ani, esuk-esuknya lagi.
(An elderly telling us to stop playing football in the house at night because we were making too much noise)

2. Nini ani yang banarnya masa time muda, HENSEM!
(A "prasan" grandfather reminiscing his younger days. Nostalgic much?)

3. Kan bali bunga lai?
Reply: Apa kan ni? Adakah patut malam-malam kan bebisnis!
(From a Brunei show called Catatan Misteri. Can't believe we used to watch that show just to laugh)

4. Eh ko tau, si atu bah anak si atu...
(One of the many ways to start a gossip or conversation)

5. Mun gagas agatah trabang!
(Translation: If you're really in a hurry, why don't you just go fly then?)- I still don't get it, it doesn't make any sense

6. Baie kali, sial mati babun.
(Swearing in Brunei Malay, among the many)

7. Awu, dapat kali ah, buliiiihh??
(A phrase that was once in trend)

8. Mun paham bisai.
(Translation: If you understand, it'd be better for us all)

9. Walaupun urang atu lawa tapi kalau nada akal, KINSIL!
(Advice on finding the right "jodoh")

10. Membari watir jua ko anih.
(Translation: You're being so paranoid)

11. Membari ijap iiiiihhh!!
(Translation: (hmm...how do I translate this in English....) That's so scary!!)

12. Sayang abang lai...
(Mihir eh!! Gali ku mendangar! A guy sweet-talking his girlfriend/wife/lover/scandal/fling. YUCK!)

Bah. Terima kasih untuk membaca post ani. Agatah tidur.

Afterwards

I have always engaged myself into deep thought (I'm sure I'm not the only one in this world) which is probably one of the many causes of my insomnia. Thought about everything- the past, the future but not the present which is ridiculous. We tend to worry about or look forward to the future or reminisce about the past instead of cherishing the present. And before you know it, the present becomes the past, the future becomes the present. When things go wrong we wish we could turn back time and make amends and when things went well we wish we could relive those moments. We are only left with hopes and regrets as we get older. And the hope that we are not forgotten when we're gone.

Afterwards by Thomas Hardy

When the Present has latched its postern behind my tremulous stay,
And the May month flaps its glad green leaves like wings,
Delicate-filmed as new-spun silk, will the neighbours say,
"He was a man who used to notice such things"?

If it be in the dusk when, like an eyelid's soundless blink,
The dewfall-hawk comes crossing the shades to alight
Upon the wind-warped upland thorn, a gazer may think,
"To him this must have been a familiar sight."

If I pass during some nocturnal blackness, mothy and warm,
When the hedgehog travels furtively over the lawn,
One may say, "He strove that such innocent creatures should
come to no harm,
But he could do little for them; and now he is gone."

If, when hearing that I have been stilled at last, they stand at
the door,
Watching the full-starred heavens that winter sees,
Will this thought rise on those who will meet my face no more,
"He was one who had an eye for such mysteries"?

And will any say when my bell of quittance is heard in the gloom,
And a crossing breeze cuts a pause in its outrollings,
Till they rise again, as they were a new bell's boom,
"He hears it not now, but used to notice such things?"